April Fool's Day
愚人节
(N：讲述故事者；F：愚男；Mum：妈妈；U：丑男；D1：大女儿；D2：小女儿；S：科学家；king国王)
N: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. His father called him "foolman", nobody like him except his mother. How time flies!
许多年以前的四月一日，有个婴孩诞生了，他老爸给他取名为“愚男”，除他妈妈，没人喜欢他。时间过的真快啊！
F: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.
妈妈，我十八岁了，我要离开这个家了。
Mum: All right, but please see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread. Remember: take good care of yourself, bye!
好的，但要时不时回家看望我哈。这是一瓶酒，一块干面包。记住：要照顾好自己啊。再见了！
N: He came to a forest, and met an ugly man.
他走到一座森林，遇到一个丑八怪的男人。
U: Hello! I'm very hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?
你好！我又饿又干，请给我些喝的和吃的，怎么样？
F: Ok, here.
好的。给。
U: Oh, thanks very much! Now, I will go. Oh, this stick is for you, it will bring luck to you. Good luck!
喔，多谢了！好，我要走了。哦，这根手杖给你，会给你带来好运的。一路好运！
N: The foolman reached a restaurant, the boss had two daughters, they found the stick very brightly.
愚男来到一栋餐馆，老板有两个女儿，她们发现那根手杖闪闪发光。
D1: Oh, how beautiful it is! I want it, it's great!!! （上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面） Oh! Dear! I can't leave it! （吃惊地）
喔，好漂亮的手杖啊！我想要，真是太棒了！！！(上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面)啊，老天啊！我放不开它了！(吃惊地)
D2: Sister, what are you doing there? Do you want this stick yourself? No, I will get a part of it! We are parent's daughters, I must get a part of it like you! （走向木棒）
姐姐，你在那做啥啊？你自个儿想要那根手杖？不行，我要有一份！我们都是父母的女儿，我必须跟你一样要有一分！（走向木棒）
D1: Don't come! Don't come! It's dangerous!
别来！别来！危险！
D2: You can come, so I can come, too! （也被粘在木棒上） Oh, my god! What's wrong with me?
你来得，我也来得！（也被粘在木棒上）啊，老天啊！我怎么啦？
D1: What a pity!
真可惜！
N: Foolman didn't mind at all, after the meal he took the stick leave the restaurant. Of course, two girls followed him. In the field they met an old scientist.
愚男一点都不在意，吃了饭之后，他拿起那根手杖就离开了饭馆。当然，那两个女孩就跟着他。来到一块田的时候，他们遇到一位科学家。
S: Oh! Terrible! You two girls follow a boy. How silly of you! I will take you back home, and take the boy to the police station. （抓stick ,也被粘住） Oh! Bad luck! Terrible!
啊！太可怕了！你姐妹俩跟着一个男孩，你们怎么这么傻啊！我带你们回家，把这个男孩送到警察局去。（抓手杖 ,也被粘住）啊！糟糕！太糟糕啦！
N: A few days later, they got to a strange country. The king had a daughter, but she never smiled or laughed.
几天之后，他们来到一个陌生的国度。国王有个女儿，但她从来不笑。
King: Who can make her smile or laugh, she'll be his wife.
要是谁能让她笑，那她就是他的妻子。
F: Let me try , Perhaps I can.
我来看看。或许我能呢。
N: Then they went to see her. She saw foolman and his friends laughed and laughed.
这样他们就去看望她。她看到愚男和他的朋友就笑个不停。
k: Ok, you make her laugh, now let us look at your 生辰八字. Which day is your birthday?
好的，你让她笑了，现在让我们看看你的生辰八字，你哪天出生的？
F: April 1.
四月一日。
K: Oh! What a great boy! Do you know my country's name? Let me tell you: it called "Fool World"! Very suits you, right?!
哦！多么棒的孩子！你知道我们国家的名字吗？我告诉你吧，叫“愚蠢世界”。非常适合你，对不？
N: The result is ——The foolman lived happily with his wife until they died. That is why we now have a holiday called : "April Fool".
结果是愚男跟他妻子一起幸福的过了一辈子直到死。这就是我们有这样的一个假日的缘由：“愚人节”。
Whose Fault
Cast
Mr. Green
Miss Blue
Police
Nurse
Doctor
Daughter
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Scene I
(Green Garden St.)
(During the rush hours, when the street is crowded , Mr. Green is driving past the red light , unexpectedly a car accident happens... Two people came out of their cars angrily...)
Miss Blue: Oh! It's you, Mr. Green... Do you know how to drive your car?
Mr. Green: You see that I was driving across the road! Wow! There is a dent on my beloved BENZ.
Miss Blue: My BMW has got a dent too, you should compensate me.
(While they are quarrelling, later on, the police comes.)
Police: What's happened?
Mr. Green: She has bumped into my car!
Miss Blue: No! It is himself that drove past the red light...
(Quarrel again ...)
Police: Has any one been injured?
Mr. Green: I feel headache , foot ache , ache very much.
Miss Blue: I ache all over too.
(Both of them mourn painfully...)
Police: Then I'll call an ambulance (O-E-O-E ...).
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Scene II
(Blue Sky Hospital-Emergency)
(Ambulance sends them to the hospital)
Nurse: Who is injured?
(Both of them say it is themselves at the same time...)
Nurse: What's your name, Mr.?
Mr. Green: Call me DPP Green.
Nurse: (Unhappy facial expression) Oh! Go to the corner and sit there.
Mr. Green: But ... (nurse interrupts)
Nurse: Go! Don't speak any words.....what's your name, Miss?
Miss Blue: My name is KMT Blue.
Nurse: (gentle and smiles) Oh, Miss this side, please. Would you tell me how you are feeling?
Miss Blue: Oh! I ache all over...
Nurse: OK! I'll help you stop the pain first, and then the doctor will treat you in a while.
(Mr. Green comes over to require medical treatment, but rejected)
Mr. Green: Nurse, I...I feel...
Nurse: Wait there, didn't you hear me?
(Mr. Green goes back helplessly, the doctor comes over at this moment...)
Nurse: The young lady called KMT Blue...KMT Blue.
Doctor: Ok! I see... How are you, Miss?
Miss Blue: I got an car accident and I ache all over...
Doctor: (Check) It's ok...don't worry about it. I'll give you some medicine. You'll get well soon......
Miss Blue: Thank you, doctor..
(Miss Blue leaves.)
Doctor: Next one. (Mr. Green comes in and Dr. reads his medical record) You are called DPP Green!
Mr. Green: Yeah! Any problem with that ?
Doctor: Hmm...(Consider) DPP Green (Raise up voice)? What's wrong with you?
Mr. Green: I ache all over-headache, toothache and foot ache (The doctor interrupts him impatiently) ...
Doctor: I... I... I see, Miss Lin – give Mr. Green an injection...
Mr. Green: What? An injection?
(Nurse takes out the syringe)
Nurse: Where do you want to inject?
(Mr. Green is frightened and shivering ...)
Mr. Green: Well, doctor ...that ...I do not ache anymore, I...I want to leave.
Nurse: Wait! Don't go...
(Nurse pulls Mr. Green and forces him to enter the injection room)
Mr. Green: Wow! ...... That hurts!
(Miss Blue goes out of the emergency room, but Mr. Green leaves in terrible pain.)
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Scene III
(Taiwan House)
(Both of them come back home, then open the door and go into the house at the same time...)
Daughter: Dad ...Mom ...What happened to both of you? Dad, you look pale. Mom, you look terrible, too.
Mr. Green: I would not be like this if not for your mother...
Miss Blue: What! That is your father's fault and he blames me impudently for...
(Daughter is cold and shrugs–then watching TV)
Daughter: Oh! I understand it. Even since the Presidential Election, there's no peace in our home.
(Both of them are still quarrelling ....)
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场景一
（绿色花园街）
（在繁忙时间，拥挤的街道时，格林先生是开车过去的红灯，突然一辆汽车发生意外...两个人走出他们的汽车愤怒...）
蓝小姐：噢！这是你，格林先生...你知道如何驾驶您的车吗？
格林先生：你看，我是马路对面驾驶！哇！有一个我心爱的奔驰凹痕。
蓝小姐：我的宝马也得到了一个凹痕，你应该赔偿我。
（虽然他们争吵，后来，警察来。）
警察：什么事？
格林先生：她撞到我的车！
蓝小姐：不！这是他自己开车过去的红灯...
（再次争吵...）
警察：任何一个受到损害？
格林先生：我感到头痛，脚酸痛，疼痛非常。
蓝小姐：我也很痛。
（他们都痛苦地悼念...）
警察：那我就打电话叫救护车（OEOE ...).
（蓝天医院紧急）
（救护车送他们到医院）
护士：是谁受伤？
（他们说这是双方在同一时间自己...）
护士：你叫什么名字，先生？
格林先生：叫我民进党绿色。
护士：（不愉快的表情）哦！转到角落，坐在那里。
格林先生：但是... （护士中断）
护士：去吧！不要说任何话.....你叫什么名字，小姐？
蓝小姐：我的名字是国民党的蓝色。
护士：（温柔微笑）哦，小姐这边请。请问你能告诉我你的感觉如何？
蓝小姐：噢！我很痛...
护士：好！我会帮你停止的痛苦第一次，然后医生会在治疗一段时间你。
（格林先生过来要求治疗，但拒绝）
格林先生：护士，我觉得...一..
护士：等待在那里，你没有听到我吗？
（格林先生追溯到无奈，医生在这个时候来了...）
护士：年轻的小姐叫国民党蓝...国民党蓝。
医生：好吧！喔...你好吗，小姐？
蓝小姐：我有一车祸，我很痛...
医生：（检查）它是确定...不要担心。我会给你一些药。你会很快好起来......
蓝小姐：谢谢你，医生..
（吴蓝叶。）
医生：下一个。 （来自格林先生在读博士和他的医疗记录），你被称为民进党绿色！
格林先生：是啊！任何与该问题？
医生：嗯...（考虑）民进党绿色（提高了声音）？有什么问题吗？
格林先生：我都很酸痛，头痛，牙痛及足部疼痛（医生他不耐烦地打断）...
医生：一..一..我明白了，林小姐 - 给格林先生打针...
格林先生：什么？打针？
（护士拿出注射器）
护士：你想去哪儿投放？
（格林先生是害怕和颤抖...）
格林先生：嗯，医生... ...我不痛了，一..我不想离开。
护士：等待！不要去...
（护士拉格林先生和他的部队进入注射室）
格林先生：哇！ ......这伤害了！
（蓝小姐出去了急诊室，但格林先生在可怕的痛苦离去。）
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场景三
（台湾府）
（他们都回家，然后打开门，进了屋子走在同一时间...）
女儿：爸爸妈妈... ...发生了什么事你们俩？爸爸，你脸色苍白。妈妈，你看起来可怕，太。
格林先生：我不会这样，如果不是你们的母亲...
蓝小姐：什么！这是你父亲的过错，他指责我厚颜无耻的...
（女儿是寒冷，耸耸肩，然后看电视）
女儿：哦！我明白。即使总统选举以来，就没有我们家的和平。
（他们两人都还争吵....)
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. 在很久很久以前，有个疯狂的国度住着一群疯狂的人，用疯狂的方式给人们讲述着疯狂的故事。o(∩_∩)o...哈哈Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. 闻名遐迩的刀客，荆轲先生，被委以刺杀秦始皇嬴政的任务。但最终还是失败鸟。你想知道当时的情形如何吗？好，下面的我们将给你呈现当时真实的一幕。Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：魔镜魔镜告诉我，天下男人谁最美？ (画外音：是你是你太子丹 太子丹高兴状) 非常感谢，我的魔镜 （面对观众） 我是太子丹，魔镜告诉我说我是天下最美的男人 但是嬴政老小子嫉妒于我，倘若给他从魔镜那儿得知了真相，必要追杀于我 。太可怕了，我该咋办啦？ (向幕里大叫) 我的小弟们呢，哪儿去了？ 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming 亲耐滴老大，我来也。太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!我怎么告诉你的，以后见到我要喊“我最最漂亮，潇洒，帅气，和蔼，可爱，机灵和尊敬的太子丹殿下”，你又忘了！阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）了解，亲耐滴！我有个好主意。我们找个大英雄去刺杀嬴政。太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?妙计！那么谁是最佳人选捏？阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.眼下我有俩在册人手，一个名曰李莫愁，另一个便是荆轲。明天他们讲通过PK来角逐最佳杀手称号！太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?那行，动作要快，ok？阿三：Yes.着！
(小沈阳)《不差钱》
（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）
This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)
Uncle Zhao Here we are.
Yadar Here we are.
Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: "Scottish Tease / Fool."
Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.
Uncle Zhao All right, taste / feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.
Yadar But it's very expensive.
Uncle Zhao So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?
Yadar What bag?
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.
Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?
Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
Yadar Still not enough.
Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!
英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money
Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
怕楼主不会英语捏!
采纳!
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